Parenting a Newborn: What I Would Have Told My Ten-Week Ago Self…

I have now been a Mummy for just over nine weeks and was recently reflecting on what I would have told myself ten weeks ago, if I’d known what I know now. This is just my experience – I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments (including if you disagree with any of mine!)…

1. You cannot even begin to imagine the kind and strength of love you will have for your child.

2. You will learn that you really can function relatively well on much less sleep than you ever thought possible.

3. And speaking of sleep…everyone will tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps, particularly during the day. No one will tell you that every time the baby sleeps during the day you will suddenly have to prioritise which of the things involving two hands you will do whilst the baby sleeps – think dressing yourself, cooking, dishes, laundry or the luxury of holding a hot drink in one hand and a book in the other without worrying about spilling the hot drink on the baby. Sleeping does not require two hands and so may not even cross your mind, except when you think, “I’m supposed to sleep right now, but for my sanity’s sake I need to (insert two-handed task here)…

4. For the first few days, you will appreciate your shower time and the few minutes it gives you to just be you on your own more than you ever anticipated.

5. Some days getting dressed by lunchtime will feel like an achievement. Other days, getting dressed at all will be a victory.

6. No matter how much you do not want to become one of those women who only talk about the baby, on some days you will need to make a real effort to cover non-baby topics at the dinner table.

7. And speaking of dinner-time conversation…you may not have spoken to another adult all day and so may be tempted to talk non-stop but the others present would probably prefer to participate in the conversation instead of just listening to your monologue.

6. It is possible to watch everything that interests you on BBC iPlayer*. You may find other viewing delights through your Lovefilm* subscription but by the time you have decided which film to watch, the feed during which you were deciding will be over, the baby will be asleep and it will be time to move on to other tasks (see point 3 above).

7. Watching something on a screen is a much better option than reading a book for keeping you awake during midnight feeds – sound can’t be turned off without you actually touching the laptop but the words on a page can easily be ignored once your eyelids close.

8. And speaking of midnight feeds…you will discover that, despite what you previously thought, it is possible to doze off with your head flopped awkwardly forward into mid-air.

9. You will become obsessed by how much your baby sleeps and wonder why the number of hours your baby sleeps is significantly lower than the averages mentioned for babies the age of your baby on just about every baby or parenting website. After days of wondering why your baby is sleeping so many hours fewer than the averages you see all over the web, you will realise that the average sleep hours mentioned are not realistic as there aren’t enough hours in the day for your baby to sleep for that average number of hours and also manage to be awake for all those hour to hour and a half long feeds, the numerous daily nappy changes and more than about 15 minutes of the ‘playtime’ equivalent for a 6-week old.

10. Keeping a record of feeds and sleeps may provide you with much-needed intellectual stimulation at a level commensurate with your sleep-deprived mental state, but it will not provide you with the formula of daytime feeds and sleeps that lead to good night sleep that you are so desperately seeking – that formula does not exist.

11. You will want and search for pattern and predictability. Pattern and predictability are not concepts familiar to your newborn baby.

12. You will feel like every other parent has got it more together than you. This is not true – bear in mind the fact that you made it out the house with a clean, fed child, clean, brushed hair and having changed out of the ‘home clothes’ that are your staple on bad days probably makes it look like you’ve got this parenting thing sussed to others as much as them doing the same makes it look to you like they’ve got it sussed.

13. It will all be worth it the first time your baby smiles at you, and you will fall ever more in love with them every day.

*I have chosen to mention BBC iPlayer and Lovefilm based on my own experience. Neither of these have sponsored or endorsed this blog post, and, as far as I am aware, neither of them are even aware of this blog.

Plum and Apple Crumble Cake

I have wanted to try making a cake with a crumble topping for quite a while. Then little S was born and time to do things like baking seemed to disappear into the far recesses of my mind. And then one day, quite unexpectedly, S slept for just about the entire day, waking up just to feed – suddenly I had time – although I didn’t know until the end of the day that it would be a whole day and no plans for that time. And so I seized the moment and started making this cake, expecting to be interrupted at any moment. Although I like the idea of plums in a crumble topped cake anyway, we also happened to have a punnet that needed eating on that magic day when I had time to bake this. I’ve given the fruit quantities as I used them in this cake when I made it; however, I would recommend doubling the quantity of fruit and having two layers of it if you try making this. This would also be good with other fruit, such as rhubarb, instead of the plums and apples that I used. I made this in an 8 inch round cake tin and, as usual, the ‘cup’ quantities below are based on a 250 ml mug as equal to one cup.

What you’ll need:

For the fruit layer:

5 to 6 plums

2 sweetish eating apples

2 tablespoons of light brown sugar

For the cake:

2/3 cup margarine or butter

1 1/4 cups light brown sugar

1 dessertspoon vanilla essence

3 eggs

2 cups self-raising flour

Pinch of salt

1/2 cup ground almonds

For the crumble topping:

3/4 cup flour (I used self-raising because it is what I had, but plain flour would be fine too)

Pinch salt

1/2 cup ground almonds

1/4 to 1/3 cup light brown sugar (adjust to taste)

2 dessertspoons margarine or butter

What to do:

1. Pre-heat the oven to gas mark 4 (180º C or 350º F) and grease the cake tin.

2. For the fruit layer, cut the plums into quarters and the apples into eighths. Line the bottom of the cake tin with the cut fruit and then sprinkle the brown sugar over the top of the fruit.

3. For the cake layer, cream together the margarine or butter and sugar in a mixing bowl, and then beat in the vanilla essence and the eggs, mixing in one egg at a time. Sift the flour and salt into the bowl, add the ground almonds and then fold the flour, salt and ground almonds into the margarine, sugar and egg mixture. Once all the ingredients for the cake batter are thoroughly combined, spread the batter evenly across the top of the fruit in the cake tin.

4. For the crumble topping, sift the flour and salt into a clean bowl. Add the ground almonds, sugar and margarine or butter to the bowl and then rub the margarine or butter into the dry ingredients until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Scatter the crumble topping evenly over the cake mixture in the cake tin – there is no need to press the crumble topping into the cake mixture – scattering it loosely and then evening the top will be fine.

5. Once the topping is on the cake, bake it in the middle of the pre-heated oven for about an hour or until done. You will need to cover the cake tin with foil about half way through the baking process, once the crumble topping has cooked, to prevent the top from burning.

6. Once the cake has cooked, remove it from the oven and cool on a baking tray. This would be good served warm or cold with custard or cream, although, it is also good plain and unadorned if, like me on the day I made this, you don’t have either of those to hand.

Green Salad

Of all food dislikes, the one that seems to be most prevalent amongst the people I know is for raw tomato. And in just about every case, the individuals involved answer the dinner invitation question about whether there is anything they don’t eat with a sheepish answer, assuming that I’ve never come across their particular dislike before. This salad was first made to serve to someone who didn’t like raw tomato and it has been a handy standby since then, both for when we want a bit of variety from the standard iceberg lettuce, cucumber and tomato salad that I usually make and when we’ve had over people who don’t like raw tomato. It is very much an add some of this and some of that recipe – the main thing is to get a good mix of greens, including sweetish, bland and sharp leaves, and to be very generous with the lemon juice. Adjust the amounts of each ingredient according to your preferences and the number of people you’ll be cooking for.

What you’ll need:

Mixed green salad leaves – for this particular salad, I used a round lettuce, spinach, rocket and lambs lettuce

Cucumber, diced

Few spring onions, finely chopped

Extra virgin olive oil

Fresh lemon juice

Pepper

What to do:

1. Wash and then roughly chop the salad leaves.

2. Add the leaves to a serving bowl with the cucumber and spring onions.

3. Sprinkle over the leaves, cucumber and spring onions a generous glug of olive oil, lots of lemon juice and a dash of pepper. Mix together thoroughly. Add more oil, lemon juice or pepper according to taste and then serve.

Childlike Dependence

Just a couple of days after my last blog post, our little S arrived. In the morning of our first full day at home, I sat holding him in my arms and marvelling at the little life that God has blessed us with, and I was challenged. Little S currently relies on us to fulfil all his needs and wants – not just relies but expects – with the complete dependence that comes from being a small child. That attitude of complete dependence and trust should be mine when it comes to approaching God my Father, who loves me unconditionally and perfectly – a kind of love I can only aspire to in my relationships. What a challenge to me the next time I think I know best and my way is better than God’s way.

“And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a small child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.” (Mark 10: 13-16, ESV)

Loss and Hope

Today is my due date. I did not plan to, but ended up spending a few minutes this morning taking time to grieve a baby I miscarried at 12 weeks pregnant a number of years ago. I don’t know whether this baby will come today or sometime in the next few days or will need to be induced, whether labour will go well or not, what labour will be like (apart from hard and painful – terms that are hard to quantify in a real way without having done it before), whether we’ll be okay, whether I’ll be a good parent, whether we’ll have a good baby. On the 13th January all those years ago, the day after my miscarriage, I made a note in my prayer diary of Isaiah 45:11-12, which says:

“Thus says the Lord, the Holy One of Israel, and the one who formed him: “Ask me of things to come; will you command me concerning my children and the work of my hands? I made the earth and created man on it; it was my hands that stretched out the heavens, and I commanded all their host.”

God was in control over that situation, and there is great peace, comfort and hope in knowing that He is in control as I wait in this situation.

Feta and Red Onion Scones

I’m not sure what first put the flavour combination of feta and red onion in my mind – initially I was thinking along the lines of feta and either red onion or red peppers, but the plump red onions won when I was at the supermarket. My initial thoughts for that flavour combination were actually along the lines of muffins. Today, when I finally got round to trying to turn the flavours in my head into flavours on a plate, the idea rapidly evolved from muffins to a flat bread topped with feta and red onion to scones to a flat scone topped with feta and red onions to a crusty loaf of bread and back to muffins. I eventually settled on scones, primarily because they seemed the easiest, quickest option involving the fewest ingredients. This recipe makes about 8 scones (or more if you make them small). All the cup measurements are based on a 250 ml mug as equal to one cup. As you’ll see, I added the cheese and onion to the mixture before rubbing in the flour and I’ve given my instructions in the same format. I did this because I wanted to break up the feta as I was rubbing the fat into the mixture. However, the more obvious thing to do may have been to rub in the fat first and then to mix in the feta and onions – just do whatever feels most intuitive for you at the time.

What you need:

A large red onion

Little bit of olive oil

2 1/2 cups self-raising flour

Pinch salt

Generous sprinkling of dried oregano

Pepper

200 gram pack of feta cheese

1/3 cup soft margarine or softened butter

Milk (for brushing the tops of the scones)

What to do:

1. Pre-heat the oven to gas mark 4 (180º C or 350º F) and either grease a baking sheet or line it with greaseproof paper.

2. Slice the red onion into thin slivers whilst heating the oil in a frying pan. Add the sliced onions to the pan and fry until soft and cooked.

3. Sift the flour and salt into a mixing bowl and then add the oregano and a sprinkling of pepper to the flour/salt.

4. Cut the feta into large cubes (or cuboid shapes, if you’re me) – mine were about 1 inch by 1/2 inch by 1/2 inch and then add the feta to the mixing bowl with the flour and seasonings.

5. When the onions have cooked, remove the pan from the stove and add the onions to the mixing bowl. I was too impatient to wait for them to cool down, but you can if you want to.

6. Mix everything in the bowl together thoroughly.

7. Add the margarine or butter to the bowl and rub thoroughly into the mixture – this didn’t take me long to do as the heat from the onions melted the butter and cheese and seemed to speed up the process. Draw the dough together into one mass (this may be quite crumbly).

8. Shape the dough into small, round scones or tip onto a lightly floured surface and flatten into a round about 1 inch high (I didn’t measure the diameter) and then cut the round into 8 roughly equal triangular shapes.

9. Place the scones on the greased or lined baking tray and then brush the top of each scone with a little bit of milk. Bake the scones in the middle of the pre-heated oven for about half an hour or until browned and delicious.

10. Either eat warm from the oven (if you’re impatient like me) or cool on a cooling rack before eating. Either way, I would highly recommend that you accompany your scones with generous lashings of butter.